I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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