i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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