I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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