ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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