I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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