Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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