now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize