I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize