I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize