So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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