is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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