Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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