Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize