The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize