What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize