Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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