I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize