GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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