I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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