It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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