just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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