sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize