Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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