I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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