Tell her she can't have a vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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