I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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