Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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