Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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