the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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