Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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