if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize