broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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