I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize