my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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