oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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