She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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