she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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