Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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