I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize