Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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