words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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