youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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