the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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