But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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