He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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