They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize