I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize