Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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