We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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