then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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