absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize